Ok so I have this problem you see, I think I love a friend more than I should... I know this person who I love so much but I think I may love them more than I am suppose to... I love the way we hold hands and the world seems to fade away. I love the way we can just hold each other and be the happiest poeple around. I love the way we cant go without kissing more than an hour when were together, hiding around the corner for a quick kiss. I love how we sleep next to each other holding one another till morning and neither of us wanting to get up and leave in the morning... I love how they make me feel so safe and happy, I have the biggest smile on my face when I am with them. All my worries go away, I dont think about tomorrow or what happened yesterday. I just think about how happy I am at that moment and only that moment... The problem is though people would see this as wrong and I dont know if it is or not, and I dont know if I care if it is or not. I mean God has given me peace with these feelings but does that mean its ok? Im so confused on why I feel this way, I have never had feelings like this before for anyone or anything... the second problem is am I in love or am I in love with how good this person treats me? I mean this person treats me really good and I love that about them but is that what I am in love with? Grr what is wrong with me and what is going on in my head. I think this person would freak if they knew how I really felt because I dont think they feel the same. I wish they would tell me how they truly honestly feel but they wont.... So what do I do because people are against me in the way I feel and I dont even know if I feel what I think I feel.

GRR LIFE IS COMPLICATED!

Here it is once again me blogging depressed, nothing new there. I am blogging in a depressed mood because my life is once again screwed to the max.... I was doing really good for awhile, then life got back to me like always.

I have a really really good friend who I can't stand to lose but right now it looks like that is what is going to happen. This friend is a friend that I am so close to we have done things that are seen by others that are wrong. I love her so much and I care about her so much, I don't have a clue what I will do without this friend. I am so close to her it sometime scares me how close we are, which makes losing her even worse. I love this girl with my whole heart and soul and as I write this my heart breaks as the tears stream down my face... I am on the phone with her having to be the strong one and she hasn't a clue how hard it is for me to say all this. To say we can't be friends because her parents disapprove and don't want us to be. It hurts to hear the anger and her tears, I am literally breaking because of this. I want nothing more than to be her friend and to continue how we are but its better if we end it now then in a month. I wish she would understand that.

Lord I don't want to hurt anymore, you brought someone in my life that I love and have feelings for that I have never had for anyone before. I love and care and LOVE this person with all my heart Lord... Why are you taking her away from me??? All I want is her and nothing else, I thought I proved that by giving up my life for her. Lord I want her, WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER AWAY!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to me!